Back in college I had a fraternity brother who sometimes had a “wandering eye” when it came to test taking. His motto was, “if you don’t cheat, yer cheatin’ yerself.” The only time I ever wanted to cheat on a test in college was in Biology 101, a class that was designed to weed out pre-med wannabes. Since I was a Journalism major and had NO desire to go to medical school, I was in way over my head. I had taken Advanced Biology in high school and done well, but this was an auditorium of 300 valedictorians from all over who were clawing and scratching for an “A” on a bell curve.
What the heck was I doing in a pre-med class anyway?! My advisor convinced me that since I had taken biology in high school, I would fit right in. This was the same advisor who convinced me to skip Spanish 101 and go straight in to Spanish 102. I walked in to Spanish 102 class the first day and the professor began the class by standing up and announcing, “As of this moment, NO English will be spoken in class the rest of the quarter.” I heard the rustling of desks and watched three SAEs get up and walk out of the class! The last one turned and said, “Adios!”
Now if there was ever a class I had needed to cheat in, it would have been Spanish. But how are you going to cheat when you don’t even understand the question? I had taken two years of Spanish in high school, but truth be told, the only reason I took Spanish was that my girlfriend was two years older than me and it was the only class I could take that she would be in! I would sit in class as the teacher, Señora Mayhood would drone on, sounding like a Spanish version of Charlie Brown’s teacher: “Wha, wha, wha, wha wha!” Every once in a while I would hear, “Wha, wha, wha, wha wha, David?” Oh, NO! She just asked me a question! After two years, the only Spanish words I could speak were “repita por favor.” I was such a bad Spanish student, Señora Mayhood, felt bad for me and would only call on me for special things like, “David, abra la puerta" (open the door) or "cera la ventana” (close the window). I was in Cabo a few years back and actually heard the phrase, “abra la puerta” at the hotel where I was staying. I wanted to say, “Si, y cera la ventana while you’re at it!
I did start cheating finally! I bought my first pair of reading glasses, or “cheaters.” I couldn't read the darn menu at restaurants (unless it was the drive-thru at Chick-Fil-A) and was holding my arm out so far that people would offer their cheaters to me. I took the hint.
The other night I was up at the bar at Halyard’s eating dinner, when in walked my old fraternity brother who was in town on vacation. He saw my glasses and said, “Hey, I see you got you some cheaters.” I smiled and said, “Yep, if you don’t cheat, yer cheatin’ yerself.”
Congratulations to all of our Best of 2016 winners, and thank you to all the EIL readers who took the time to vote. We’ll be out delivering certificates and snapping photos of the winners, so keep an eye on the Best of 2016 photo gallery on our website.
