PUNK
Listen up, all aunts and uncles!
Recently, I was talking with someone and the subject of my three nephews arose. I, of course rambled on and on about each nephew and how proud I am of each of them. The person smiled and said, “I just realized, you’re a PUNK, aren’t you?” Hey, I haven’t been called a punk since maybe 5th or 6th grade! However, according to the new lexicon, PUNK stands for professional uncle, no kids. There is also PANK (professional aunt, no kids). Resorts are now offering PANKS or PUNKS Beach Vacation Packages, so you can take your niece or nephew on a fun-filled family weekend.
I started thinking back on my own family vacations which usually consisted of my sister and I fighting in the back seat of the family station wagon for the two-day trek back to Oklahoma to visit the grandparents. For some reason that just doesn’t sound appealing. I’ve seen the look on parent’s faces as their child has a meltdown at the airport. I’ve heard the stories of the Disney cruises. My brother-in-law suffered through four summer vacations in a row when my sister insisted on taking the family to a “dude ranch” out west.
Now, to be honest, that actually sounds like a fun time. You get to play cowboy for a week: ride horses, herd cattle, eat cowboy beans around the campfire at night. The only problem is my brother in law hates horses and doesn’t like to ride! I can totally relate. I get seasick very easily. By easily, I mean I can get seasick in a bathtub! One time, my nephew, Scott, was visiting and wanted to go offshore fishing. Being a PUNK, I called a friend who fishes a lot and got us on a great local charter boat. Scott spent three hours catching and releasing sharks, redfish, tarpon, and tripletail. I spent three hours bent over the side of the boat. Not fun.
I’m sure most parents end up going on family vacations with their kids that they personally wouldn’t have chosen to take if not for the family. It’s an American rite of passage to be miserable for a week with your spouse, kids, maybe a dog or cat in a car, driving to some far-off destination. Why do we do it? Because our own parents made us do it!
At 55, I’m starting to realize that I probably won’t ever experience the “joy” of taking my wife and kids on a two-day pilgrimage to my mother-in-law’s house in Cleveland. But, being a PUNK, I still want to want to spend time with my nephews. My oldest nephew, Wes, lives in Washington DC. My middle nephew, Scott, lives in Birmingham. My youngest nephew, Sean, actually lives and works here, so he is the obvious choice for a PUNK vacation this summer. Let’s see, he’s 23 years old. Too old for a Disney cruise. He can’t really take a week off to drive across half the country. Hey, wait a minute! He’s never been to Vegas! I wonder if Caesar’s Palace has a PUNK rate!
1 of 2
David and his nephew in 1999
2 of 2
David and his nephew today
